If it’s not suppose to be that hard, then it shouldn’t feel that hard.

“It’s us against the world. I will be with you thru thick and thin.”
I do meant those words when I said it to him. I really do believe I can stay thru all the good and the bad days. Oh God knows how much I have for this guy and how much I will give. Everyone knows, except the one person that need to know about it I guess.

At some point, I lost myself along the way and walked away. I know, what a btch for going against what I said before, right? Don’t worry about taking in the blame. I took as much as I need, perhaps more than I should. It keeps playing on my mind, “what if I stay longer?”, “I should’ve been there for him”, “I shouldn’t leave at the first place”.

I’ve been trying to justify my action for so many times, but there is still a corner of my heart that hold onto the guilty feeling so tight. “You said you’ll go thru the good and bad days for him.” That sentence cross my mind every single day ever since the day I left. Today I guess the Universe gave me a sign, thru a series. HAH! I know. It surprise me how much we can learn from a tv series sometimes.

Here’s how the conversation going between the couple:
Darby: I can’t do this anymore.
Magnus: You can’t do this. You can’t just walk away when things get hard.
Darby: It didn’t get hard, you made it hard.

Then it hits me. It was harder than it suppose to be. I was there all the time, but you made it way harder than it suppose to be babe. I love you and I really do, with every piece of me.

Today I choose to forgive that side of me and you too. The side of you that made it harder than it suppose to be. Perhaps you don’t know how to not do that. I don’t know if you ever gonna bump into this writing or not, but if you do…. we’ve tried our best. You’ve done so well, we tried the best thing we can for that moment. I will cherish all the good memories.

I believe everyone from our past hold into a piece of us. A piece that specifically belongs to them. You will always have that piece of me too. If somehow the Universe put us together again somewhere, I wish both of us will be smiling that time and none of us is hurting anymore. Just like what you always said, when it’s all good, no one is hurting, including us. Be well dear R.